Haiku Propaganda and… haiku

I may as well go scorched-earth since nobody has appreciated my positive comments about HaikuOS. Here are some ideas for peddling your little piece of BeOS.

  • Haiku – Insecure by Default!
  • Haiku – Almost as Safe and Stable as Win95!
  • Haiku – Sure, It Reboots Often — But It Reboots Quickly!
  • Haiku – So Easy to Crash a Kid from a Baltic State Can Do It!
  • Haiku – All Your Machines Are Belong to Latvia!
  • Haiku – Affronting Simplistic Poetry through Instability and Insecurity!
  • Haiku – The Last Two Syllables of A Seventeen Syllable Curse!
  • Haiku – Because Linux Already Works!
  • Haiku – Putting the BE Back in Weekend at BErnie’s!
  • Haiku – BeOS’ Ninth Life!

And I’d be remiss if I didn’t offer a little five-seven-five in the spirit of it all:

Haiku has a hole
That some teen from Latvia
Owns computers with.

Is computer on?
All your computers are BE-
long To Latvia.

Be-O-S, Zeta,
Haiku — same shit with same fate.
Nobody wants Be.

Be-O-S, Zeta,
Haiku — all the more reason
To use BSD.

Haiku is the best
Attempt yet to recreate
Windows 95.

Haiku has the same
Security features as
Windows 95.

I used Be-O-S
In the 1990s ‘fore
Haiku was around.

The true BE-lievers
Said Be-O-S’d save the world.
Haiku won’t take off.

How many users
Does Haiku really have, dude?
Fewer than Be had.

The world will adopt
Haiku when pigs grow six wings
And they f***ing fly.

Haiku only has
One vulnerability:
Nobody wants it.

Why build new Haiku
When you could have Amiga
Instead? Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.

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